Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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