it wasn't lemon gatorade
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
