She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
