I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
