I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
