Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
we're so committed to being not committed
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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