I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
