He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just threw up on my dentist
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
