He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
this must be what syphilis tastes like
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
