I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
