As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
