btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
