I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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