Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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