Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
