Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
All the doctor said was why
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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