I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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