I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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