Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
