Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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