sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Randomize
