They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
