I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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