Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
