She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
