i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
