rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
