were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
