bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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