Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
