Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
