Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
