Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize