Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
