I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
