I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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