I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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