you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Randomize
