you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize