if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
