I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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