How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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