Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Randomize
