I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You dont lie about slip and slides
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
