I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
