i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
