Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
