my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
