You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
