school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
