Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
