forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
