My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
