my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
how drunk are you?
Several
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
