Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
