don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
