Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
