so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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