"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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