Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
