By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
pray to the hookup gods
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
