never play flip cup with pint glasses
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
