I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
