So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
