just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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