Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
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